Learning to Live with Fear: Lessons from Death, Yoga and Martial Arts

By Angela Meyer, Lead Yoga Teacher Trainer, Yoga & Self Defense Instructor at Yoga HeightsI have hated fear most my life. Since I haven’t been able to get rid of it, I learned to be intimate instead.I remember writing a poem when I was in second grade about the monsters in my closet.  They would lurk in the middle of the night.  I would wake, feel the soulful terror, and with barefoot little feet, run across the house to my parents bed.  I sprinted that “wee hour sojourn” for many years, until I got kicked out and had to face the closet monsters alone.I didn’t know what I was so afraid of, but the fear felt real and anciently terrifying.Monsters in the closet were not the only phenomena that rattled my bones with fear, so did people.Lunch time was the worst, sitting with my lunchbox, looking straight ahead or down so no one would see me. Not eating crunchy food because it was too loud and may draw the attention of others. I wanted to be invisible. I had imaginary friends. I felt existentially alone and learned to live with that feeling.My greatest joy was before school, after school, on the weekends, running barefoot through the thick grass in my South Texas backyard. Jumping on the swing that was my saving grace.  I would spend hours in my own world, flying back and forth, long pig tails, finally free from the terror of being in the “people-centric” jungle.I went to college and played soccer, I lived in the favelas of Brazil, working at a street children’s project, I volunteered for a year in Denver at a food pantry, studied for a Masters of Divinity, but despite all the experiences, fear caged me in. The big dreams I had, felt impossible.It wasn’t until I came to Washington DC, that my relationship with fear began to shift.As life would have it, I ended up working at a hospice.  Joseph’s House, an AIDS hospice for homeless men and women became my re-brith into the world of living. Instead of hating fear or being frozen by it, I turned towards it.Death: the phenomena we spend our whole lives running from, trying to avoid, not talking about, became my best friend.What being close to death taught me, was that fear did not have to be my enemy anymore, it could be my greatest Ally.  Instead of unconsciously ruling my life, I could get  intimate. Talk to fear personified. Do things that scared me, because growth and courage called just as loudly. Practicing Yoga and eventually teaching Yoga became the next step for my re-birth back into life.Martial Arts/Self Defense was my third rise of the girl that always dreamed of carrying a straight razor in her boot. A confident, trash talker molded through intense training.  Kicking, punching, grappling and wrestling her way to freedom. Death and Martial Arts have a lot in common, there is a realness to these worlds.  You talk with your bodies, you learn trust, vulnerability and communication. You tap when submitted, simulating a death.It’s messy, I’m a “work in progress”, but I am fiercely committed to continue grappling. I am no longer angry with the lifetime of control fear has had.  I’m softening into a state of curiosity, wonder and hope. My liberation lies in learning to take fear, grief, shame, resentment, jealousy, anger, the whole top team of repressed emotions and let them have a voice.  To really listen to what they have to say.You can find Angela teaching yoga, self-defense, and yoga teacher training at Yoga Heights.  This blog post is adapted from its original post on Angela's blog.  Click here to read the full version.

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Take class with Angela: Sunday at Georgia Ave - 9:00 am (Hot Flow) or 10:15 am (Power Flow)Monday at Georgia Ave - 6:15 pm (All Levels Flow)Wednesday at Takoma - 5 pm (Half Price Flow) or 6:30 pm (Power Flow)Thursday at Georgia Ave - 6:15 pm (Back to Basics Flow)